The Year of My Christmas Miracle
I had smoked ever since I was twelve and by the time I was sixteen, I
was given permission to smoke in the house. In those days we had no idea
of the dangers of smoking. I am one of those people who does things all
the way and so,when I smoked, I really smoked and that meant it was
about two packs a day, non-stop, that I was smoking for most of my life.
When I was in my late thirties, I got pregnant and had my two youngest
children one right after the other. When I was in my forties I got
Breast Cancer and had a mastectomy. The first thing I wanted after my
surgery was a cigarette and during my entire stay in the hospital I
spent much of my time going downstairs and outside for cigarettes. I
went through eight and a half grueling months of chemotherapy and I
still didn't quit smoking. When I was about forty five, I was learning
just how hard it is trying to get by on disability payments with no
child support and yet somehow I still
found the money for my cigarettes.
Christmas was upon me. I was flat broke and very depressed.
Fortunately, one of the local churches sponsored families for Christmas
and we were picked, so my children would have a Christmas after all. I
was grateful. However, I was not in a very festive mood so we didn't
take part in the usual Advent preparations that my children were used to
that year. On Christmas morning my little boy asked me what I was giving
the Baby Jesus for His birthday and I was crushed because I had nothing.
I hadn't even baked the birthday cake for baby Jesus and we hadn't saved
any good deeds to fill the manger with straw, like in other years.
Yes, I was crushed but the look on his face told me he was even more
crushed. The next thing out of my mouth was not at all what was on my
mind. I said " I know... I am giving the Baby Jesus my smoking habit.
The whole thing: the cigarettes, the lighters, the the cravings, the
crabbiness, the ashtrays both dirty and clean, everything about
smoking is what I am giving to the Baby Jesus". He was delighted and ran
to tell his sister. They were filled with such joy and here I was
stunned and very worried. I was obsessed with cigarettes and I had just
told my son that I was giving up smoking as a gift to the baby Jesus.
Was I nuts?? Could I do it?? No, I knew in my heart that I could not
give up smoking and I also knew that this broken promise to my son,
would stay with both of us for years to come. So... I prayed and said "
Look Jesus I am sorry for jumping the gun here but I made this promise
to my child and now I need You to help me keep it".
Suddenly I was filled with a deep sense of peace but I still didn't
realize that, because I had stepped out in faith (led there by grace
alone) I was on my way to a miracle.
I jumped up and we all had a ball going from room to room gathering
everything to do with cigarettes. There were packs hidden everywhere and
five in the freezer alone. We took the cigarettes, lighters and
ashtrays and either gave or threw them away. Then I went from room to
room taking down curtains and cleaning them. I washed walls, ceilings,
clothing and everything I could find from Christmas morning until well
into the New Year.
Each time I would see someone with a cigarette I would privately Thank
God for taking the habit from me and ask Him to do the same for them. I
do that to this day. I have never once craved a cigarette in seven
years. That was one of the biggest steps I had taken on my spiritual
journey because I learned through it all that we can do nothing on our
own. Only with God is everything possible. I learned that when we step
out in faith and expect a miracle that is not contrary to the Will of
God then we will be given one.
That year changed my life completely. I saw firsthand what Jesus meant
when He spoke about having faith the size of a mustard seed. That was
the year of my Christmas Miracle.
[ by: Dani D'Angelo (dani62448@aol.com) -- from '2THEHEART' ]
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