The Laws of Life

• Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
  
  
• Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
  
  
• Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
  
  
• Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
  
  
• The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
  
  
• Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
  
  
• First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
  
  
• Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
  
  
• Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
  
  
• Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
  
  
• Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
  
  
• The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
  
  
• Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
  
  
• Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
  
  
• Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
  
  
• Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.

[ Author unknown - iVillager, Jeannie N. - from Chris Long at 'Laugh & Lift' (www.laughandlift.com) ]