(An On-Going Collection -- New Material at the Top)

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ADOPTED?

Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed that the bag boy was eyeing my two adopted children curiously. They often draw scrutiny, since my son is a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin.

The boy continued staring as he carried our groceries to the car.

Finally, he asked. "Those your kids?"

"Yes, they are!" I answered proudly.

"They adopted?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"I thought so," he concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."

[Thomas S. Ellsworth]
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YOU'RE KIDDING

I was with my husband at a baseball game in Boston's Fenway Park when I decided to get myself a hot dog. As I stood up, my husband asked me to buy him a beer. The young clerk at the concession stand asked to see verification of age.

"You've got to be kidding," I said. "I'm almost 40 years old." She apologized, but she said she had to insist.

When I showed her my driver's license, the clerk served me the beer. "That will be $4.25."

I gave her $5 and told her to keep the change. "The tip's for carding me," I said.

She put the change into her tip cup. "Thanks," she said. "Works every time."

[Colorado Comments]
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WISDOM TEETH

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

"$130 dollars," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if I don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $100.00, but it would be very painful"

"That's still too expensive," the man says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "I can save time if instead of using my normal surgical procedure, I simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers. I could get away with charging $50.00"

"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $25.00"

"Marvellous," says the man, "book an appointment for my wife next week!"

[keepAhead]
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LAST WORDS OF WISDOM

The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip so a nun went to the kitchen to warm some milk. Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!"

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face, and pointing out the window she said, "Don't sell that cow!

[Colorado Comments]
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WHAT TIME IS IT ?

On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference:

• If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
  
  
• If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours.
  
  
• If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
  
  
• If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
  
  
• If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon.
  
  
• If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until quitting time."
  

[ Material from many different sources -- Thank You! ]





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